I'mmmmmm Baaaaccckkkk!!

After an extremely long hiatus, I am back! I'm going to try and keep this short by skipping all the awful and intricate details because I absolutely hate talking about personal stuff and honestly not too many people in my daily life actually know...but the fact of it is - I have a couple autoimmune conditions that wreaked havoc on my body.

Now having autoimmune issues isn't new to me, I was diagnosed with my first one (psoriasis) in 2016. You're probably thinking - first one? Yes, unfortunately when you have one autoimmune disease there is a chance you'll have others. My second (ankylosing spondylitis) in March of 2018. I've tried different medications and thought I had finally found one that actually worked and it did until the beginning of October 2019. I started feeling stiffness in my one wrist and thought I had slept wrong or twist

ed it somehow, then after a few days it started to swell and then my other wrist started with the same symptoms and I thought it was odd. But I had my monthly check-in appointment with my doctor that following week so I waited and as I waited, my ankles followed suit. I am not kidding when I say it was swollen so bad that my wrists and ankles didn't exist, it literally looked like a kid's drawing of a rectangle that ends in a hand.

When I got to my doctor she explained that it was odd and slightly alarming and we would have to wait to see if it was a temporary flare-up or if my immune system wasn't responding to my treatment plan. Unfortunately with autoimmune diseases, it varies from person to person because EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. They put me on additional medicine temporarily hoping it would resolve it in a couple of weeks but it only got worse. During this whole ordeal, I could barely move or do anything. Gripping the steering wheel to drive to work was next to impossible, I felt like a kid again cause my mom had to come and help me with the smallest things. Heck - she even had to help me get out of the bathtub when I had to soak in Epsom Salts to help ease my pain. My blood work was all over the place and I've even developed hemolytic anemia through this whole process.

In the end, what should have only taken two weeks, ended up taking 3 months. At the moment I am doing fine but my body, unfortunately, the damage done is irreversible. Essentially, the immune system mistakes part of your body, like your joints or skin, as foreign. It releases proteins called autoantibodies that attack healthy cells. There is so much more explanation that goes into this to explain what actually happens - if you want to know more here is an article from the Spondylitis Association of America. Even though this disease should only attack my spine, my immune system one-ups it and attacks other joints.

Although looking at me you can't tell I went through all of this, even coworkers who I saw on the daily through all this still have no idea - some do but they really don't know the physical, emotional and psychological stress I endured. I have lost range of motion and strength in my wrists and ankles. I'm now on a new medicine that is helping me manage my condition. This is a chronic condition that has no cure and my treatment will only help slow its progression. At 24 I never expected that I wouldn't be able to pick up my purse or grip a pen long enough to sign my name or write the date.

I say all of this to say...as much as I would have loved to escape to another world by reading to help me through this, I couldn't even bend my wrist to hold a book or my iPad long enough to read a chapter. However, I am back and hoping to jump back into reading and reviewing. To those who reached out to me, I'm trying to go through my inbox and see what suggestions you have sent. If you'd like to reach out again, feel free to! As we go through this COVID-19 epidemic, please remember that although it seems outrageous that you have to stay home and can't go out places even though it could only mean you suffer from symptoms similar to an upper respiratory infection - for people (of all ages) like me it can be deadly.